Alone & Angry ~social skills never taught & living now without them

Been thinking about this for awhile & sure many of you struggle with the same frustration and anger… Honestly, I don’t know how to be gentle with myself and accept this fact ~ In part of moving forward and living in the now, I’m lacking so many skills others take for granted… I don’t know what is appropriate in so many things… and it stifles me and I hate it! This is such a sore spot for me… so much anger and self despisement even though its not my fault… I have a heart to want to be with others, support them, love them… I feel like I can’t because I’m not “healthy”… A lot of times I say things that my intentions are good but comes out blunt and taken negatively. Often I “freeze” and do nothing because I become overwhelmed not knowing what to do. I feel like I will over stay my visits (have done so many times in the past) – I don’t know what is appropriate for how much of their time to take up… Sometimes I share with a close friend a situation and she tells me something so simple I could have done and said… I get so frustrated, it was so easy yet, I was clueless…

                                                                We visited someone recently we hadn’t seen in years, and I was in awe how beautifully my husband handled it… I would have let the visit linger and linger (hard for me to say goodbye)… he saw she was busy… we had a nice 15 minute visit that I couldn’t even wrap my head around how to do what he did…  maybe its the inner me not wanting to leave her yet… maybe its the ignorance of how long a visit it should be… it could be a lot of things…

Its like having  a blank slate, whereas others have the common sense in what to do socially… I am getting better with after the facts, this is what I could have said or done… Some situations are just so emotionally stimulating that the logical reaction can’t be accessed.

                                                                                                                                       A recent example is a family function at my in-laws. Looking back I could have let them know the topic they are discussing is making me uncomfortable and I am going to go out for awhile and let them talk and will come back after… At their house you never know what they’ll start talking about! After a few times of it and talking to my husband, we realize I just need a few “outs” to escape…  Going out for fresh air has been a common one for me. Another I used to do is excuse myself for a phone call…  One visit both my husband and I wanted to get out of there so I asked him to run me to the store for something and we’d be back… it gave us some breathing space without making them feel bad…

I have learned so much especially in my marriage regarding communication. I am so thankful… it probably saved our marriage, us both working hard in this area… He will tell me if I slip and things come out blunt… Then I back up and rephrase it nicely how I meant it with better words… Wow, communicating is so much better than just reacting and living in hurt and anger toward each other… (I do have to acknowledge some of you don’t have that option, the person won’t even communicate with you, I am so sorry if you are with someone like that, my heart goes out to you!)

I came across Alan Robarge on youtube… one of his vids is on my Videos page… I recently joined Instagram for the positive quotes and fun things… (I had to make an account where others won’t know who I am because I want it just for me and its a site others can find you and follow you and I really don’t want people in my life on that… Hey, thats a boundary, woo hoo… feels good to recognize when you do, do something positive for yourself, I hope you do that for you… So this is one of his he has on his page, which is an example of what to say in a situation… I am going to write him asking for more of this kind of stuff in any social situation because its soooo helpful. If you happen to know of anyone who has written a book or something please leave it in the comments… or a book title idea for aspiring writers ~ Common Sense Social Skills for Dummies!

I wasn’t sure how much I was going to share on this post… I am sure you have so many examples and get my point… and lived it… and I don’t know how to accept myself… I guess the more I can learn and be confident… and there may be resources out there I never came across…. please leave in the comments if you know of them…

One more thing I feel so sad about is communities like these when someone is going through something and I want to say just the right thing in comments but don’t want my good intention to come out wrong and make it worse! We all know well meaning people that say things that really are not helpful… I’ve seen your posts on these things so I know you understand that. I also have seen the posts what not to say and what to say to those hurting so I want to re-read that. I am learning its not so much advice as being there for someone, sitting with them through their pain and acknowledging them… comments invalidating others and minimizing are very hurtful but sometimes they are said without that intent. I hope I never do that! If you are reading this post, know I am sitting with you in spirit… you aren’t alone… and I care… I believe in you… you are worthwhile and important to me… you matter…<3

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Degrees of Dissociation

Hollywood taught me dissociative identity disorder is like Sybil. This post is to share my symptoms, and to educate anyone else that was confused about the subject. I know I have a dissociative disorder but it isn’t the differing personalities commonly shown in Hollywood.  Continue reading

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love this….

via Share your colors today! — Princess Sassy Pants

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Watch “Jenn Johnson, You’re Gonna Be ok (Lyric Video)” on YouTube

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Thought this was great too…short & sweet -Watch “How to surf your emotional waves” on YouTube

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The Bone-Chilling Science of Surfing (watch in respect to life analogy surfing our emotions)


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Reblog ~ more on surfing emotions… from *feelings*are*not*facts* ~ same struggles I am journeying through…

In all honestly, my emotional mind has been in overdrive the last few weeks, and has been present in several cases. With a lot of personal stressors going on, my emotions have tried very hard to take hold of every situation. It’s been a rough week; looking back on every feeling I’ve been having lately, […]

via The Session of Analogies on Emotions: 10th One-on-One Session — •feelings•are•not•facts•

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Reblog from Lifetrap: Express Your Feelings

The most important risk you can take is to be honest in expressing your feelings. If you do not express what you feel, you are forced to use defenses to keep un-wanted feelings away. Whether you deny the feeling, justify it intellectually or pretend that it is unimportant, it is all the same. To the […]

via Express Your Feelings — Lifetrap

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The timing of coming across this video…Watch “Matt Hammitt | TEARS | OFFICIAL Lyric Video” on YouTube

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an insight God gave me to encourage us all ~ a neglected garden…

Some time ago as I wrote in my journal, God dropped this incredible piece into my heart:

I was brought up in a home that was more of a boarding house than a family as a counselor put it… (Recently I found out there is a term CEN – childhood emotional neglect. Finding youtube videos on that was really eye opening.) I grew up feeling invisible, being terrified, and keeping to myself.

So, like I said, God showed me how it is likened to a garden… imagine being planted in hard soil… imagine not receiving light (and love)… imagine not being cultivated nor fertilized… imagine drying out and not being watered (and cared for)… Continue reading

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