when good things hurt…

Is this the bittersweet? I cannot believe the dream I had… It was like seeing a film of me as I would have been had I grown up in a healthy environment. If you had not seen my other posts, I have had reoccurring dreams of upnorth at my grandmother’s house and they have evolved from terrifying when I was little to healing into freedom… This dream I have never reached this place of normalcy. I was with my grandma being a normal, social granddaughter rather than a quiet, timid, scared girl. The closeness, the interaction, the sharing, the confiding, the laughter…. so that is what it would have been like. I woke so happy to have experienced this, if only in my mind… but later in the day, anxiety and tears come… it feels so confusing… it feels so sad… I wish she were alive now… I am so bogged down with emotions, its hard to sort them out… I feel like I am walking in a fog… This is when its too much to identify all the emotions so I just cry in God’s arms telling Him how it hurts, thankful for the dream, but yet, it hurts… He understands it all. I don’t have to. I believe I keep my sanity by knowing He knows it all and is with me, understanding it all… He is so great, I don’t have to explain a thing to Him, He already knows..

I wish the good things didn’t hurt so much… as time goes on and my heart and mind are mended, I know it won’t… it is part of the process…


About kpaol

Hi! I love God, my husband, my kitty, photography & photoshop, blogging, & my wordpress community :)
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